In Defense of Cassie Howard
Yes, I think what she did was wrong. Yes, I still empathize with her.
SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 OF EUPHORIA
Cassie Howard deserves our empathy. Yes, I said it.
One of the most controversial plot lines in the second season of HBO’s Euphoria is the relationship between Cassie and Nate Jacobs. Fans are slamming Cassie for being in a relationship/situationship with Nate after he and her (former) best friend Maddy Perez broke off their serious, long-term relationship (seeing each other but not “technically” together). TikTok has especially gone after Cassie for being a bad friend with poor judgment.
They aren’t wrong—sleeping with your best friend’s ex is a shitty thing to do. Changing your identity for a man and cutting off other relationships for him is harmful for both yourself and loved ones. I don’t deny any of that. However, I think we as viewers need to give Cassie some grace.
Why? First, we learned in season one that Cassie has struggled with coping with her parents’ relationship and divorce, and her current relationship with Nate is a recreation of the unhealthy relationship she saw growing up. Before now, she has jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend, falling in love with each one. I’m not a mental health professional, nor have I gone through what Cassie has experienced, but I don’t think we should be surprised that she is searching for comfort in men after her father failed to give her that same comfort by leaving during her adolescence. She is afraid of her partner leaving too and will do anything to make them stay—and we clearly see her trying to love Nate “enough” for him to stay, which includes giving up her friendships and closing herself off from her family. Together, Nate and Cassie mimic the dysfunction of her parents by constantly fighting and letting their relationship interfere with others’ lives. She never observed a healthy romantic relationship between two people—there was always conflict. Why would this relationship be any different?
Cassie’s relationship with Nate is also a consequence of trauma, in which she’s trying to make up for what she lost in her childhood. In last week’s episode (S2 E7), we see a flashback to when Lexi and Cassie were younger and went to get ice cream with their father. Their father was extremely high, almost unable to walk and open the car. Lexi suggested that they shouldn't let him drive them, but Cassie didn’t want him to think that they didn’t trust him and insisted that they get into the car. We still see this same pattern as a teenager, where Cassie justifies the man’s actions and insists that he is appeased. This is all to cling to a sense of normalcy, a desperate attempt to hold onto any positive feelings men have ever given her—because when they did, it felt so good. Having a parent take you out to get ice cream is a wholesome experience, a demonstration of love and a bonding moment. Cassie is conditioned to justify the bad so that she can feel the good—feel the good of being loved that she wasn’t able to hold onto from her father.
Not only does Cassie fill the void her father left with Nate, but she is also responding to the way she has seen women react to men leaving them. Her mother has a clear drinking problem—we almost always see her drinking wine and watching TV on the couch. Now, what is the conclusion Cassie can make? Perhaps it’s that when your partner leaves, you resort to constant drinking and social isolation—obviously something that she might want to avoid. Being with Nate, however toxic and harmful, means avoiding the decline into drinking dependency and seclusion that happens if they break up. She’s in too deep, and however destructive their relationship is, it beats what in her mind is the lonely alternative.
Some of you may be thinking: I recognize this, but that is no excuse for sleeping with your best friend’s ex. Yes it’s objectively dishonest and hurtful, but let me pose a hypothetical: Had Cassie cut off all her friends to date another toxic man, and disappeared into his world, would you still be upset? Perhaps not upset—but disapproving and judgmental. If you aggressively dislike Cassie, consider whether it’s partially rooted in slut shaming. While she probably wouldn’t have the same level of criticism from the audience if she was with another random guy, I argue that her obsession with a new relationship would likely still turn away viewers from being on her side. It’s desperate and unlikeable, but something she has been conditioned to accept—and it also means she’s with yet another guy. Cassie is painted as a “promiscuous” character on the show, and is objectified and sexualized throughout both seasons. She is constantly shown with her bare chest exposed and, in the first season, we learn her past boyfriends have leaked her nudes and videos of her engaging in sexual acts. Especially after her declaration to take a break from dating at the end of season one, other characters (and probably viewers) would at least roll their eyes learning that she was with someone new—even if he wasn’t Nate.
With the types of relationships Cassie pursues, she was bound to hit rock bottom with one—and in this case, it’s with Nate. The last time she was unfaithful, it was when she cheated on her boyfriend Christopher McKay in season one. But that didn’t give her the love and validation that she craved. With his assertiveness and patriarchal nature, along with the familiar turmoil that their relationship creates, Nate creates the perfect partner to be her downfall while she desperately tries to find some sort of satisfaction in the broken shambles of her life.
Cassie has made poor choices and has put herself in a bad position. She has ruined the best relationships she’s had on the show and betrayed her best friend. But between the subconscious recreation of her parents’ relationship, the desire to find the validation she never received from her father in other men, and fear of becoming her mom she is running away from, we cannot be completely surprised by her decision to be with Nate. I challenge viewers to really consider why they dislike Cassie this season (if they do). Is it really because she’s a bad friend? Or is it because she represents what many women are afraid of becoming? Because she represents a fate that so many of us are pushed into, but are desperately trying to escape.